It seems hard to believe that it’s been exactly 23 years to the day since my husband Carl Crosier conducted Johann Sebastian Bach’s monumental Matthäuspassion (St. Matthew Passion) in two ground-breaking performances, March 31-April 1, 2000. Carl’s passion for the work started when I was pregnant with my son, Stephen, and I experienced problems with my pregnancy. When I was hospitalized on three separate occasions, he would come home from visiting me and took comfort in listening to Nikolaus Harnoncourt’s recordings of the work, done on period instruments.

It was not until we visited St. Thomas Church in Leipzig — the church where Bach was the music director for 27 years — that Carl had an “aha” moment. Knowing that Bach conceived the work as a dialogue between two choirs and two orchestras, what he said to me was, “This church isn’t that much bigger than the Lutheran Church of Honolulu if you compare the distance between both sides of the gallery!” And the wheels started turning to perform this gigantic work in Hawaii.

It wasn’t easy. A new lighting system had to be installed at the cost of $45,000. The church’s previous lighting system was not repairable; it was decaying to the point of risking complete darkness at any moment. More and more lights were failing, and in increasing numbers as well. The church interior was completely painted, requiring repairs to the walls which had water damage. A railing and new stairs to the “loft” above the Board Room was installed. There was a former storage wall which was removed to accommodate the second choir, soloists and orchestra on the Diamond Head side of the nave. The nave roof and beams were cleaned for the first time in many years. It was at this time that many of the church offices were painted as well. The air conditioning system was replaced, and a 3-stop continuo organ, also a Beckerath, was shipped from New York. Those were just the physical alterations to the room that were necesitated by this big project. 150 chairs were also borrowed from Nuuanu Congregational Church to accommodate the 400 people who would be in attendance at each performance.

It required enormous human resources: two orchestras, two organs, two conductors, eleven soloists, two adult choirs plus a children’s choir — a musical marathon! There were personnel problems too. Carl had contracted a second conductor, and two bass soloists, only to have them cancel at the last moment. I remember Tim Carney was brought in to sing the second bass solos on only ten days’ notice! Even though Carl had carefully set out a rehearsal schedule, several recitatives never got rehearsed as the musicians union rep stopped the rehearsal in the middle of a piece. On the night of the first performance, one of the violinists thought it was a rehearsal and came in jeans (!) only to have to return home to change, missing the first half. Even the concertmaster thought the concert started at 7:30 pm (instead of 7:00 pm) and was not present for the tuning and the opening chorus.

That was also the year I suffered through many respiratory allergy attacks and woke up at 2 am at least a dozen times, unable to stop sneezing. I also had hives every day for a month. Turns out I had mold and mildew allergies (“But I’ve eaten cheese my whole life!”), plus when my skin dried out, I put lotion on the itching without reading the labels. I was allergic to lanolin and wool! Also I learned that I was allergic to nickel and had to stop wearing underwire garments.

But …

In the end, this is what Carl himself described what happened: However, when I raised the baton to begin “Kommt, ihr Töchter, helft mit klagen” at the opening night performance, a great calm swept over me, completely removing any anxiety and frustration I had been experiencing up until minutes before. There was a hushed intensity in the church, as the drama of the passion story unfolded as told through Bach’s glorious music. You could have heard a pin drop. It was incredible to hear everyone turning the pages of the libretto (in unison). People were totally captivated.

These performances changed the lives of many, no more so than that of Mark Boyle, who sang tenor in the choir. This is what he posted on Facebook this week, when asked why he has such a passion for this work:

“So why the St. Matthew Passion – out of all of the works that Bach wrote, why this one?”

It’s a good question. And those who know me know the superficial indicators of my connection – my license plate (BWV 244), my tattoos (Mache Dich and JSB’s signature, the Thomaskirche, Bach’s monogram), my large collection of recordings, etc. Folks might even be aware of how often the number 244 comes into my life in odd ways (my first office number was 244, I was a member of the 244th graduating class of Rutgers, my Google voice number has the number imbedded into it). All that, of course, is complete happenstance.

The true reason, the source of the beginning of my long relationship with the work, was being introduced to it by Carl Crosier, a man I respected immensely. He was so very passionate about Bach’s masterpiece and I found it infectious.

This was a time in my life during which I was aching to get back to school and finish my undergrad degree. Carl had been the person who brought me back to the world of art music. His skill in rehearsal, his choices of repertoire, his knowledge of the canon inspired me.

I respected him so very much and was so hungry for everything he had to teach me.

So it began. As I got to know the work through rehearsals and listening to the Leonhardt recording, Bach’s ingeniousness continued to reveal itself to me…

The carefully considered counterpoint…

The variety of choral textures…

Bach’s orchestral colors – using changing combinations for arias and recits to create a broad timbral palette – he was painting the air with sound…

His intentional use of symbolism, often unnoticeable without a score…11 entrances of Herr, bin ichs? – Lord, is it I?, after Christ tells the disciples that one of them will betray him…

The intense chromaticism in Laß ihn kreuzigen (the turba chorus in which the crowd shouts “Let him be crucified!) – Bach uses ALL TWELVE pitches across the subject and the answer in an incredibly angular line…

The raw, personal emotion present in the arias – unhinged anger in Gebt mir meinem Jesu wieder (Give me back my Jesus!)…endless sorrow in Aus liebe will mein Heiland sterben (Out of love my Savior wants to die)…the regret in Erbarme dich (Have mercy)…prayerful determination in Mache dich…

And the extremely clear statement of Bach’s faith as found in one of the briefest moments of the work – what I have often called the Passion in miniature – Bach’s simple and gently declarative musical setting of the crowd’s words found in Matthew 27 verse 54…”Wahrlich, dieser ist Gottes Sohn gewesen.” – Truly this one was God’s son. It is after some intensely dramatic singing by the Evangelist and a representation of the earthquake by the continuo group – particularly the cello. Matthew relays the fear the crowd experienced and this colors the written response in the text – but Bach presents it as an extremely peaceful realization…no fear, no hesitation – nur süße Ruhe. Take a listen to one of the most powerful (though not exactly historically informed) recordings of this moment below – Karl Richter and Munich – 1971.

All this and more – and more every time I experience the work – has pulled me in, deeper and deeper. It is Bach pouring his soul out onto the page and it is my great honor to drink in such an honest expression of the composer’s spirit, communing with a master of the art.

The performance of the St. Matthew Passion in Europe is as common as Handel “Messiah” in the USA; and guess what! Mark is now in Amsterdam, taking in several performances of this work. He’s also planning an extensive tour in Germany in 2027, the 300th anniversary of the first performance of this work.